June 21, 2003

Posted by michele at June 21, 2003 09:45 AM | TrackBack
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Beauty and the Beast From 20,000 Fathoms
Young girl falls in love with sea monster.

This is Spinal Taps
Timothy Hutton stars as military-school cadets take over a rock band.

The Third Man of La Mancha
Don Quixote searches for his old friend, Harry Lime.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Documentary about Woody Allen's filmmaking techniques.

Twelve Angry Men in Black
J, K, and Zed are trapped on jury duty.

And with respect to Fredo's "There's Something About Mary Poppins," if you search the archives of rec.music.filk, you can probably find the song "Supersadomasochistic Sexual Relations."

Posted by: wheels at January 20, 2003 02:58 PM

Apocalypse Now and Then

Martin Sheen can't stay on task.

Posted by: Phil at January 20, 2003 03:17 PM

The Naked Gunga-Din - Frank Drebbin must prevent a disgruntled former water boy from streaking the Queen at an Angel's game.

Over the Top Gun - Sly Stallone arm wrestles his way into a menage-a-trios with Maverick and Goose and ends up top dog, so to speak.

Last Tango and Cash in Paris - Kurt Russell and Stallone reunite for their final adventure - battling Euroweenies opposed to the corrupting influence of Latin American dance moves.

Dude, Where's my Green Card? - After Massachusetts legalizes same sex unions, a crafty Frenchman (Gerard Depardieu) offers a new set of wheels to misguided teens in exchange for resident status. Hilarity ensues, but in the end their unlikely love conquers all.

Evil Dead Poets Society - Ash fights to escape the horror of a deceased Vogon's magnum opus.

And it might be bending the rules a bit, but that leads naturally to:

Mr. Holland's Magnum Force Opus - Dirty Harry investigates the case of a professor who deals with the emptiness in his life by blowing away a bunch of band geeks.

Posted by: Mike P. at January 20, 2003 03:29 PM

Car Wash: The Shining

T.C. graduates from the wash bay.

Posted by: Phil at January 20, 2003 03:54 PM

Close Encounters of the Third Kind of Wonderful
Eric Stoltz and Mary Stuart Masterson fall in love before being visited by aliens.

Carlito's Way We Were
A Puerto Rican ex-con tries, and fails, to stay away from Babs Streisand and her yammering ratchet-jawed lefty nonsense

Driving Miss Congeniality
Jessica Tandy stars as a crotchety old lady who has to go undercover at a Beauty Pageant.

What About Bob Roberts?
A mentally-disturbed demagogue crashes Richard Dreyfus' vacation. A lone reporter is on his trail, trying to unmask him.

Moonstruck Zero Two
Cher falls in love with her fiancé's brother, a space salvage expert intent on stealing an asteroid made of sapphire.

Posted by: David Gillies at January 20, 2003 03:58 PM

Leaving Las Vegas Vacation. - Chevy Chase and his family meet a hooker and drink themselves to death.

Spring Breaker Morant - Lieutenant, on trial for war crimes, is liberated by half-naked girls.

Snow White men can't jump. - Wicked haitian medicine woman puts curse on Halle Berry, saved by english basketballer Hugh Grant.

The green milo and otis. - Big, dumb dog cures cat's sickness.

Goodbye Mr Chips, Highway Patrol. - Erik Estrada gives up life as a motorcycle cop to teach at an exclusive English high school.

Posted by: Yobbo at January 20, 2003 04:15 PM

Long Hard Day's Journey Into Night

John, Paul, George and Ringo get smashed.

Posted by: Phil at January 20, 2003 04:24 PM

Children of a Lesser Godfather - The heartwarming tale of a "differently-abled" crime syndicate.

Next Friday the 13th - Jason has his hands full when Cube and the crew show up from South Central.

Point Breakin' - Johnny Utah creates the latest extreme sport rage by combining surfing and break dancing.

Fantastic Voyage: Lost in Space Balls - An intrepid crew of scientists enter the body of a giant space alien to try to communicate their peaceful intentions. Unfortunately, their knowledge of xeno-biology is rather spotty, and the alien mistakes them for some sort of groin infection.

Grumpy Old Yeller - The gun misfires, and Old Yeller gets a reprieve. He spends the next 6 years peeing on Walter Mathieu's carpet.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Apprentice - The tale of a lonely young orphan, a broomstick, a mouse and some duct tape.

Posted by: Mike P. at January 20, 2003 04:27 PM

Cannonball Run, Lola, Run. - Eurotrash girl competes in the Paris-Dakar rally.

A Knight's Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight. - A medievel squire is posessed by the spirit of Freddie Mercury, brings rock + roll to the masses.

The Rumble in The Jungle Book - Ali vs Mowgli

Don King: Only in American Beauty - Don King gives up fight promotion, gets job in fast food store.

Posted by: Yobbo at January 20, 2003 04:38 PM

Dial M for Murder, She Wrote.

Hitchcock's directs as Angela Lansbury is put out of our misery.

Posted by: Michael Davis at January 20, 2003 07:26 PM

Jesus Christ Superstar 80

Jesus becomes a playboy pinup and is murdered by Eric Roberts

Posted by: Owen at January 20, 2003 07:53 PM

The Basketball Diaries of Anne Frank

Young urban punk discovers what suffering *really* means.


From Dusk 'til Dawn of the Dead Man Walking Tall in the Saddle

Seth and Ritchie meet up with John Wayne and Sheriff Buford T. Pusser to battle vampires, zombies, and Sean Penn in a Tennesee shopping mall. Susan Sarandon tries to counsel the zombies, but is eaten. Millions rejoice.


Sinatra: Live at the Sands of Iwo Jima

The Voice must get back into his Maggio role when he finds himself in John Wayne's platoon of Marines about to storm the beach. They both die.


Rose Red River.

Some *really* freaky events occur on the cattle drive.


The Quiet Man Who Fell to Earth.

Trooper Thornton has made peace with his brother-in-law, but Mary Kate soon discloses the existence of an even stranger sibling than Will Danneher.

(Yes, I'm on a John Wayne kick. Sue me.)


The Longest Day the Earth Stood Still.

Aliens confront Eisenhower and give an ultimatum. Abandon D-Day plans or else. These being peacenik aliens, they don't realize the consequences of allowing Hitler to stay in power (hey, wait, sounds like today). France has already surrendered, but offers to again.


Peking Opera Blues Brothers.

Jake and Elwood are on a mission from god to help rebels overthrow the Chinese monarchy.


Michael

Posted by: Michael Davis at January 20, 2003 08:15 PM

In the Future there Will Be Robot Wars.

Two Vice City mechwarriors vie for the love of a female robot.

Posted by: Michael Davis at January 20, 2003 08:41 PM

Dial M for murder she wrote

An english women finds someone stole the M button from her phone and detects who did it. In book form


All the kings men in black

Two reporters find aliens broke into the watergate hotel and attempted to bug them with real bugs.....

Mars attack of the 80 foot women

Earth is invaded by 80 foot women from mars wanting nothing but chocolate and "me" time

Posted by: gunner miller at January 20, 2003 10:32 PM

Oh, What A Lovely War of the Worlds
British satire ridiculing the idea of planetary defense.

Iron Monkeybone
Chinese doctor is secretly ... oh, never mind.

I Know What You Did Last Summer of '42
A shy teenager, an older woman, and a crazed killer.

Posted by: wheels at January 20, 2003 11:44 PM

Cleopatra Jones' Diary

Posted by: cheshirecat at January 21, 2003 12:11 AM

Gone With The Wind In 60 Seconds
The epic saga of the Drapery Thief

Posted by: Mrs. du Toit at January 21, 2003 12:25 AM

Josie and Stitch (Josie and the pussycats meets Lilo & Stitch) -

A punk rock girl band member goes to the pound and finds an evil alien bent on destruction. Hillarity ensues.

Posted by: little blue fuzz ball of destruction at January 21, 2003 12:56 AM

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back -
Jay and Silent Bob take on the Empire, oh wait, that was the title...

Moonsoon Wedding Singer - Adam Sandler sings Indian pop music at weddings (move over Daler Mehndi).

Lord of the Rings - The Two Smoking Barrels - Arragon and Crew need money to pay off Sauron for gambling debts, so they knock over the Orcs after they steal drugs from the ents.

Just Married to the Mob - Ashton Kutcher marries into the mob.

The Color Purple Rain - Prince and Oprah find love on a plantation owned by morris day and the time.

Das Boot Hill - Cowboys and Nazi Submarines.

Posted by: little blue fuzz ball of destruction at January 21, 2003 01:30 AM

Rocky III Horror Picture Show
Frank N. Furter is back...and Mr. T is for dinner

Ragin' Bull Durham
Robert DeNiro beats the bejeezuz out of Kevin Costner

Pretty Woman in Pink
Blain takes a prostitute from the wrong side of the tracks to prom

Big Trouble in Little China Syndrome
Lo Pan goes Nuclear!

Posted by: kinayda at January 21, 2003 08:58 AM

Just thought of a couple more

Star War Games
Would you like to play a game of Interstellar Nuclear War?

8 Mile Legged Freaks
A young rapper (Eminem) in Detroit struggles with his anger through music. Can a white kid with a blue vocabulary and lots of hate in his heart transcend his meager beginnings and defeat giant mutant spiders?

Dirty Dancing Harry
Sexually provocative moves...and a .44 Magnum

Posted by: Kinayda at January 21, 2003 09:06 AM

Just thought of a couple more

Star War Games
Would you like to play a game of Interstellar Nuclear War?

8 Mile Legged Freaks
A young rapper (Eminem) in Detroit struggles with his anger through music. Can a white kid with a blue vocabulary and lots of hate in his heart transcend his meager beginnings and defeat giant mutant spiders?

Dirty Dancing Harry
Sexually provocative moves...and a .44 Magnum

Posted by: Kinayda at January 21, 2003 09:06 AM

Riding in Cars With the Boys in the Band

Oops. Wrong car.

Posted by: Aaron Haspel at January 21, 2003 07:46 PM

"Suddenly, I Know What You Did Last Summer"

Think "Scream" as reconceived by Tennessee Williams.

(with credit to El Sturtle)

Posted by: j/no at January 21, 2003 10:34 PM

VERY BAD THINGS TO DO IN DENVER WHEN YOU'RE DEAD

It's a documentary-slash-travelogue with a Dumb and Dumber twist to it.

Posted by: Ching at January 23, 2003 09:19 PM

where in the world is willam shacespere

Posted by: at January 25, 2003 09:58 AM

where in the world is willam shacespere

Posted by: at January 25, 2003 09:58 AM

Grumpy Old X-Men - When you've made way too many sequels.

The Vampire Strikes Back - Use the Force, Buffy.

Posted by: Nobody at May 22, 2003 08:51 AM

Star Wars: Dennis The Phantom Menace: A long long time ago in a suburban neighborhood far, far away (or was it?), we learn that Darth Vader was really Good Ole' Mr. Wilson.

Posted by: Joel Badere at May 28, 2003 09:45 AM
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