from the peta-files
I just love when a militant activist group makes an appeal to the kiddies.
Until MasterCard stops helping Ringling abuse animals, ask Mom and Dad to cut up their MasterCards and use other credit cards instead. PETA wants to hear from you, in your own words, what you'll say to your parents to convince them that MasterCard is a "NastyCard." We'll send the best essay entries a fun kit that includes a NastyCard spoof credit card, PETA elephant T-shirt, bumper sticker, pin, comic book, poster, and coloring book. Please submit your entries before August 15, 2003.
I imagine this converstation:
Mom! Dad! Cut up your credit cards before you make the elephants cry!
But honey, if I cut up my credit card, how will we get you those Abercrombie & Fitch shirts you love so much?
Oh, nevermind.
That logo up there gives one the impression that PETA is imploring the kids to go cut up the credit cards without even asking the parents.
No amount of oppressed elephants can make a child go from consumer whore to animal activist in just one essay.
I think I'm going to send in a fake essay. In fact, I think we should all send in fake essays. You know you want that pack of PETA goodies.
Speaking of PETA, a die-hard vegan changed her name to GoVeg.com
The-vegan-formerly-known-as Karin Robertson changed her name to the same as that of a vegetarian information website to encourage meat-eaters to become vegetarians.23-year-old GoVeg.com, a Youth Project Specialist for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, says her new name is a great conversation starter.
I suppose most of those conversations start out with "Are you an idiot?"
..GoVeg.com says she couldn't imagine changing her name back saying, "To be named after the number one website for vegetarian information -- what could be better?"
I could think of about six million things.
In fact, I'm going to change my name to Redmeat.com and challenge her to a steel-cage match.
PETA-philes. Can't live with 'em, can't eat 'em.
Comments
RJM and I have discussed (usually after several gin and tonics) starting a spoof site: www.sealveal.org. We'd promote respect for vegetables, by encouraging people to only eat carnivores. Keep the planet safe for rutabagas! Seal veal, it's what's for dinner.
Posted by: Jaq | July 21, 2003 07:09 PM
Gawd...on the plus side, people like this make me feel very smart and morally superior. VERY.
Posted by: David | July 21, 2003 07:13 PM
Oooo, two chicks in a steel cage match. . . I see it as either a jungle-island plane crash survivor kind of vibe, with 70's type halter tops and cut-off jeans (cut off high), or maybe blue denim "Women In Chains" prison dresses, although not "Ilsa, She-wolf of the SS" uniforms, that's been done to death. . . oh, yeah, I know! Skintight Spandex superheroine costumes, kind of an X-Men sort of thing. As long as the Peta looks acceptable in one, naturally. And they have to be tight enough that they look painted on. Ooooo, that gives me another great idea. . .
Posted by: Mike James | July 21, 2003 07:16 PM
Oddly, this unattrobuted quote was shared with me last night:
"Sensitive souls have reacted with shock to the elemental drama of life on
this planet, and one of the reasons that Darwin so shocked his time--and
still bothers ours--is that he showed this bone-crushing, blood-drinking
drama in all its elementality and necessity: Life cannot go on without the
mutual devouring of organisms. If at the end of each person's life he were
to be presented with the living spectacle of all that he had organismically
incorporated in order to stay alive, he might well feel horrified by the
living energy he had ingested. The horizon of a gourmet, or even the
average person, would be taken up with hundred of chickens, flocks of lambs
and sheep, a small herd of steers, sties full of pigs, and rivers of fish.
The din alone would be deafening. To paraphrase Elias Canetti, each
organism raises its head over a field of corpses, smiles into the sun, and
declares life good."
Posted by: Faith | July 21, 2003 07:35 PM
Sure you can eat them.
They taste like shit, but you can eat 'em.
Posted by: Toren | July 21, 2003 08:08 PM
Yo, Meryl -- 'bout time we had another Eat An Animal For PETA Day, isn't it?
Posted by: Thlayli | July 21, 2003 08:30 PM
The last time I ran into these animal rights wackos (the community college I attend has its own chapter of one of these radical animal rights groups who tried to force the cafeteria to serve only vegan food) I went and ordered a double bacon cheeseburger in response.
Posted by: Vexorg | July 21, 2003 08:44 PM
I just can't stop laughing at this one. I'm working on my essay right now.
Posted by: Hondo | July 21, 2003 08:52 PM
In goveg.com's honor, I shall purchase, roast, and consume a chicken. In fact, just to tweak both the vegitarian and anticonsumption ninnies, I shall purchase and roast two chickens, discard one, and consume the other. And I shall drive a SUV to purchase the chickens. While smoking a cigarette. And waving an Israeli flag. And carrying a handgun. There shall be much rejoicing and blood.
Okay, so I don't drive a SUV, I don't smoke, I don't own a handgun, and I'm not the sort to toss a perfectly good chicken for no reason. But PETA and its various assclowns sure make me wish I did.
Posted by: geeklaura | July 21, 2003 09:01 PM
Whenever I run into a militant vegan (the type trying to convert you), I usually direct the conversation this way:
Scott: "So, was the recovery from the surgery painful?"
Vegan: "What surgery?"
S: "When you had your canine teeth removed."
V: "I haven't had my canine teeth removed!"
S: "Oh, I see that now. That's a good idea. Keep them just in case you ever go back to meat-eating. It makes you look a little less committed, though."
Posted by: ScottC | July 21, 2003 09:08 PM
This would send me hunting for MasterCard applications, but I'm unemployed at present. Damn.
PETA-philes. Can't live with 'em, can't eat 'em.
Tell that to Idi Amin.
Posted by: Angie Schultz | July 21, 2003 10:31 PM
My thought was a survivor type reality show. PETA survivor surprise. The tribes are made of members from two of the chapters. They tell them they are going on a photo safari and fund raiser for good cause, but instead they stick them in a parachute, give them a knife and basic survival gear and shove them out of a perfectly good plane in the Canadian wilderness. . . .
If any of them live, they get a lifetime supply of Boca Burgers.
Posted by: ESP | July 21, 2003 11:03 PM
I yearn to beat "GoVeg.com" to death with a hard salami.
D
Posted by: David Strain | July 21, 2003 11:07 PM
Did somebody say seals?? lol
Here is a peta most hated website...http://www.newgrounds.com/seals copy and paste :-)
Mike
Posted by: mike lawson | July 21, 2003 11:14 PM
Here's my essay:
Piss on the damn elephants! They take time away from the jugglers and the tightrope walkers and that fat babe with the beard! Let's max out the card and kill'em all and make piano keys with 'em!
But that's just me.
Posted by: Ken Summers | July 21, 2003 11:27 PM
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a former member of PETA. Haven't been for many years, because I grew tired of their ham-handed campaigns and their refusal to disentangle themselves from the ELF and other domestic terrorist organizations. I am still a vegetarian, have been for twelve years, and have never tried to "convert" anyone. I leave people alone as long as they don't make snotty comments about my diet. Then I ride them unmercifully.
Anyway, I wonder if either michele or any of the commenters feel as strongly about PETA's "opponents," like McDonald's for example, going after children as well. Giving marketing materials masquerading as nutritional information to schools, getting schools to fly the McDonald's flag, things like that. Do you feel that's wrong as well, or is it a one-way street?
Posted by: Phil | July 22, 2003 08:47 AM
Well, based on the gardenburgers I've had, I would presume animal rights wackos might actually taste pretty good, if maybe a little dry and short on protein...
Seriously though, I wonder if anyone has pointed out to GoVeg the irony of a hard leftist changing her entire identity in order to be a walking advertisement -even for a "good" cause? Would she have considered changing her name to, say, OldNavy? GapKids? Anyway, too bad she's so dumb, because she's a cutie...
Posted by: Stacy | July 22, 2003 09:10 AM
Phil, McDonald's doesn't throw blood on the schoolchildren. And I reserve the right to mock idiots.
[Warning - generalizations ahead, but based on experience]
My experience has been that a minority of vegetarians in this country, and almost NO vegans, is quiet about it. Vegans especially are very often nasty about it and attempt to force their beliefs on others - they are no different from fundamentalist religionoids. I don't give a rat's ass what they do with their own lives but they will not be allowed to run mine.
Posted by: Ken Summers | July 22, 2003 09:29 AM
She is decent, for an idiot. I'd imagine it is pretty rare for a 20-something to hit 30 and still be in PETA. At some point you must recognize how stupid it is, maybe not.
Dollars to doughnuts though she has her old name back in a year.
Posted by: Curtis | July 22, 2003 09:55 AM
Wow, looks like you hit a nerve here Bitter. You shouldn't let these morons get to you. Here's what to do. Read a chapter or two of anything by Ruark, Capstick or Elmer Kieth, and put another $5 in the savings account you have established for the eventual purchase of that fine English double rifle, perhaps a Holland & Holland in .416 Rigby. You'll feel better almost instantly. Also a quick visit to www.safaribwana.com will do the trick.
Posted by: Full Auto | July 22, 2003 10:10 AM
"Giving marketing materials masquerading as nutritional information to schools, getting schools to fly the McDonald's flag, things like that. Do you feel that's wrong as well, or is it a one-way street?"
I happen to agree but the solution is a consumer cultural movement called "Stop being herded like sheep". Stop giving in to your children when they whine for a McDonalds Happy Meal. Go to your local school district board meeting and campaign against the Big Mac in schools. McDonalds would piss off because there is no profit in it for them.
Posted by: ESP | July 22, 2003 12:55 PM
Mike Lawson,
Thanks a lot for the link. Much fun shall ensue.
But from every vegeterian on my email list "Eff you.".
Posted by: Veeshir | July 22, 2003 02:21 PM
This quote:
"Sensitive souls have reacted with shock to the elemental drama of life on
this planet, ..."
is from Ernest Becker's Escape from Evil, as is this quote:
"At its most elemental level the human organism, like crawling life, has a mouth, digestive tract, and anus, a skin to keep it intact, and appendages with which to acquire food. Existence, for all organismic life, is a constant struggle to feed -- a struggle to incorporate whatever other organisms they can fit into their mouths and press down their gullets without choking. Seen in these stark terms, life on this planet is a gory spectacle, a science-fiction nightmare in which digestive tracts fitted with teeth at one end are tearing away at whatever flesh they can reach, and at the other end are piling up the fuming waste excrement as they move along in search of more flesh. "
Cool! To big for a baseball cap, but you could fit it on a t-shirt, I bet.
Posted by: Kirk | July 22, 2003 04:00 PM
Ooh, Full Auto, you got some expensive tastes there. I like.
I can't afford, but I like.
Posted by: Ken Summers | July 23, 2003 12:10 AM