March 14, 2006
Ramping Up
By Tanya
Starting tonight, the TV Guide Channel is apparently showing a live pre-AI warmup show called Idol Tonight.
"Idol Tonight" will feature appearances by ejected contestants and past "Idol" stars, plus interviews with vocal coaches, casting agents and industry insiders. Exclusive footage, including auditions, outtakes and post-performance confessions, will also be shown on the weekly program, a show publicist said Monday.
Hosted by former "Idol" finalist Kimberly Caldwell and one-time "Popstars" contestant Rosanna Tavarez, "Idol Tonight" will air at 7 p.m. and will capture the red carpet vibe outside "American Idol," said Ryan O'Hara, president of the TV Guide Channel.
Exciting. Which one's Kimberly Caldwell? The redneck-looking blonde? Anyway, I don't think I get the TV Guide Channel. But even if I do, I'm not sure I'm desperate enough to watch this. Or maybe I am. It might be worth one viewing, to gauge the outtakes and catfights. (You know we aren't seeing the real backstage drama.)
March 10, 2006
Ouch.
By Tanya
I found this little nugget tucked away at the bottom of an AI article:
[Gedeon] McKinney is a textbook example of a contestant who would have stood a much better chance had the producers chosen to tell more of his backstory.
He was supposed to audition in Memphis in September, but the auditions were canceled because of Hurricane Katrina. The teenager then went to Chicago, after raising the money by holding a concert at the Yo! Memphis Academy of Visual and Performing Arts and getting a donation from a local police association.
He earned his ticket to Hollywood, but in December, before the semifinals, his father died. McKinney chose to stay in the competition anyway, and sang well each week. Perhaps had he gotten the airtime that Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks received before the semifinals started, that would have given him a fan base that would have carried him to the finals.
I already didn't think he deserved to be cut so early, but Holy Hell! That's an even better sob story than the Pickle's. And way more spirit. Tough kid.
(I'm sure we'll be hearing more of him, if he sticks with that wicked old school Sam Cooke sound.)
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March 09, 2006
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
It's so hard to guess at this point. They're all really talented, in their own ways and levels of competence...
Kinnik - Love her, but what was that? It sounded like the band was playing a completely different song.
Melissa - She impresses me more every week, but she just doesn't have the fan base. I'd rather see Ayla go, but that's highly unlikely.
Kevin - I know he has the granny vote, but that lisp is really starting to annoy me. If I can't even listen with my eyes closed, we have a problem.
Will - Just bored with him and his lame 70s tripe. (And he reminds me much more of Fred Savage, than Donny Osmond or Peter Brady.)
March 01, 2006
Top 20 - The Boys
By Tanya
Kenny Rogers?
Yeah, wave goodbye Brenna.
The seating change last night really improved Paula's judgment. I was thinking about that earlier this evening. They should switch permanently.
Taylor - He has a magic hat. (Spear and magic toboggan!) Not... Faith No More. Who is this by? Commodores - Easy Like Sunday Morning. Nice. Not thrilling, and I wouldn't have picked it for him, but I love it when he busts out. He made it his own.
Elliot - Moody's Mood For Love. Smooth. Michael Buble, look out. That was gorgeous. I would *never* have guessed he had that in him. Smokin'.
Ace - Ok, the security beanie thing is cute. Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One. See, this is why I called him Federov Lite. Not too rough, but so cloyingly, sickeningly sincere. Please go back to the fun, libertine thing. Gag.
Gedeon - Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come. Much better. Yes. His expressions creep me out, but I could listen to this all day. Beautiful.
The boys are kicking the crap out of the girls tonight.
Kevin - Marvin - Heard It Thru The Grapevine. Oh. No. Far, far too white. Too much e-nun-ci-a-tion. Ok, this is just painful. I like this kid, but what? They could get permission to do Right Said Fred? Oy.
Sway - Stevie - Overjoyed. Ok, I'm ready to ban Stevie now. Not that I don't love him, because I do, but do we need to hear three covers a night? Ugh. This is just a bad copy. Not even the tiniest thing to make it unique. Yawn. (It frightens me how often I agree with Simon lately. I do write these in a notebook while they're singing.)
Will - He does like cheesy but nostalgic songs from before he was born, doesn't he? Kenny Rogers - Lady. Huh. I usually cringe when they sing dead slow ballads, but that was actually a good showcase for his voice. I forgot he had pipes. Yikes. Will's going to be filing sexual harrassment charges in the morning. Down, Ryan. Down.
Bucky - Garth - Thunder Rolls. I want to hear him do something not country, because I really, genuinely *love* his voice. Very nice. Good choice for him. I'd love to hear him do something a little more neutral. Bad Company or Clapton or... god, even the Eagles.
David - Nice dorky story about the phone cord belt. Sinatra - The Way You Look Tonight. Eh. It's a little much for him. He just looks nervous. He keeps really getting in the zone but then slipping back into the nervousness and wrecking it. Nice if he did Bobby Darin's More.
Chris - Fuel - Hemorrhage. Man, even Chris isn't reaching me tonight. It's cool and awesome and rockin' and his voice blows me away and I'm just not feeling it at all.
Randy works with Chris Cornell? I think I might have just developed a tiny amount of respect for him.
February 28, 2006
Top 20 - The Girls
By Tanya
Manic McPhee - Wow. I can't image two girls as different. Stevie - All In Love Is Fair. Nice but safe. Parts of that were really nasal. Eh, nice dirge. She's reminding me more and more of Mikalah Gordon.
Kinnik - We've already discussed Angelina Jolie, but her mannerisms reminded me of Lisa Rinna in that interview. Gretchen Wilson - Here For The Party. Cute. I actually liked that. Country without the twang. Not wow, but entertaining.
Lisa - Please fire whoever dressed you. Jackson 5 - Who's Loving You. Safe song, but she's doing it nicely and making it her own. I'm kinda digging the eyebrow. Nice. Very cool.
Melissa - Reba McIntyre - Why Haven't I Heard From You. Cool. Much better. Yeah, fun and I love her growly voice. Awesome. Like a cooler version of Sheryl Crow. Paula, please shut up, you yammering whore. She does need to connect, but I think she did, this time.
Heather - Take those fake eyelashes down a notch before you hurt someone, Divine. Mariah Carey - Hero. Not bad, just dry. Pretty in a way but it was a million miles away. Just too big a song for her. Um. Not unlike that rack.
Brenna The B - "Little shoulders, little pout, little porn star." Donna Summer - Let's Dance. Ok, this just sucks. Totally flat and dull. Hard to make a Donna Summer song boring. Drag queen karaoke without the fun.
Paris with the old lady hair. I do dig her fashion, tho, usually. Bette - Wind Beneath My Wings. Her voice is astounding. I hate to see her sing something so old, but it's gorgeous. And probably great for the intimidation factor. Yeah, what Simon said.
Ayla - Um. Her mom's a newscaster. And she doesn't know what foundation is? *cough*BULLSHIT*cough*. Celine - I Want You To Need Me. I think this would be really nice if I didn't have to watch the parkinsonesque twitching while she sings. Very pretty but very safeballadboringyawn.
Kelly - Ok, overly twee about Hollywood and the calamari, but cute. Bonnie Raitt - Something To Talk About. Not a great song choice. She's singing it well, but she's cute not smoky. Good, all things considered. "Organic?" Haha! (And she's Chatty Cathy again.)
Mandisa - The dog jaw thing was adorable from her. Faith Hill - Cry A Littte. The same grama hairdo doesn't look as old lady on her. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Was that a country song? That was hot.
Today's Gossip
By Tanya
Ok, not today's, but...
Apparently [Simon Cowell] the recording industry mogul is so sick of hearing particular songs sung over and over again by American Idol contestants that he has taken steps to get them banned...
He said: "We've banned certain songs. Falling, Alicia Keys. I never want to hear that song again in my life. I cannot stand it. I'm allergic to it. And I Believe I Can Fly, R Kelly."
Ha! What songs would you ban? Let's hear it.
I'll start with any post-1980 Michael Jackson. Especially if it involves a glove or moonwalking.
February 23, 2006
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
Heather and Becky
Sway and Gedeon
February 22, 2006
Top 24 - The Boys
By Tanya
Get ready, Ace-lickers. (You know I like the crooner.)
Patrick - Underdog city. Such a nice voice, but didn't get the coverage. Melissa Etheridge - Come To My Window. Nice but not exciting. Eh.
David - Cutie pie. Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Um. No. This is just goofy. People, please don't dump your niche on opening night. You'll have plenty of theme nights when you have to do that.
Bucky - Whoever. Someone please Clay-ize this guy. Skynard - Simple Man. Joy. You know what? I like him. I dig his voice. Raw, but there's obviously nice tone under there. Like *very* early Eddie Vedder. If he skipped the skynard, I'd listen to a cd from him.
Will - Nice, classical voice. Jackson 5 - I Want You Back. Wrong reason to pick a song, kiddo. That was actually really good, if I can seperate it from the cheese factor. Very entertaining.
Sway - Earth Wind and Fire - Reasons. Wow, his parents are rhythmless. Sway, honey, we discussed singing in falsetto during the auditions. Not that it wasn't groovy, but... no.
Chris - Love this guy. I've loved him since the commercials last year. Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead or Alive. Oh lordy. Hey, rockin'. The big hair bandness made me giggle like a 15-year old, but it was actually really hot. He's so awesome.
Kevin - I'm a little worried about that lisp, but he seems to cover it when he sings. Bryan McKnight - One Last Cry. Such a nice voice. I wouldn't have thought he could even begin to handle a song like this. I think he needs a few years, but I like him. Definite talent.
Gedeon - Isley Brothers - Shout. He has a great voice, but this definitely doesn't show it. Eh. Not bad, but he's no George Huff.
Elliot - You know, he's not one of my favorites. He has a good voice, and he's likable, but there's something off. Stevie - If You Really Love Me. That just didn't do anything for me. I like his voice, and it was very entertaining, but he just doesn't reach me.
Bobby - It is like he's drunk. Barry Manilow - Copacabana. $20 says Simon calls this "cabaret." Eh, this is not a song that shows off your voice. Entertaining, tho. Awesome. He's like a giant gay Tim Curry.
Ace - He is purty. Ugh. He's so backstreet boy / federov-lite. Nice smile, tho. George Michael - Father Figure. Good song choice. And nice voice. This would be an easy song to screw up. Rowr. I still don't share the licking thing, but that was smokin'.
Taylor - Love Taylor. Elton John - Levon. Love this song, but I'm afraid it'll be a bad choice. Nope. Doesn't show off his voice, but he rocked it out. Awesome. He just makes me smile so huge. Utterly unique.
Tough call tonight. I guess I'd cut Sway and Gideon.
February 21, 2006
Top 24 - The Girls
By Tanya
First Girls' Night!
"No crying cowboys [awwww] and no Brittenum twins [yaaaaaay!]"
Ah, and the dogpound returns.
And we lose two tonight, so everyone's clear. (I wasn't sure.)
I hate Paula's hair like that. Oh, she's definitely tougher this year. Maybe not tougher to impress, but way more likely to admit she's not impressed. Thank god.
Cute flashback of girls going eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Oh, to be young and hyper.
Here we go!
Mandisa - Beautiful girl. And I think she's old enough at 29 for her weight to be ignored, than it would be if she was 19. Heart - Never. Rock it, girl! Not a "safe" song, which is awesome, and she's making it her own. Great start.
Kelly - She sure does cry a lot. Martina McBride - How Far. Not digging the country, but she's got spirit. The beginning is way out of her range. It's not as bad to try to sing too low, than too high, tho. This is a little safer. Pitchy at the end, but not bad for a first song, with those nerves. Man, she is chatty, isn't she?
Becky - That whole speech sounded very rehearsed. Patti Smith - Because the Night. Again with the singing too low. Sometimes you have to pick a song that sounds good on you, instead of one you love. I'm embarrassingly fond of this song, and I don't like what she's doing to it. Nope, not doing anything for me. She's very dramatic.
Ayla - I'll bet that underbite really hurts. Xtina Aguilera - Reflection. Can I just take a moment here to tell you how much I hate coulottes? A few bad notes, but she has a great voice, and she's very believable without being icky sincere. Very strong.
Paris - She's just so likable. Gladys - Midnight Train to Georgia. *Very* entertaining and well performed, but I'd like to see something that showcases her amazing voice instead of just her personality, after Hollywood week. Very confident and fun.
Stevie - Opera girl. "Moonbirds" fly? Josh Groban - To Where You Are. Why's she singing so soft? This isn't a lullaby, honey. Eh. Bad choice.
Brenna the Bitch. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. How convenient that her name starts with a B. - Ok, I don't hate her so much after the thing about her mom. Stevie - Sunshine of my Life. Quit with the coulottes already. Eh. Boring. Not badly sung, but utterly forgettable.
Heather - She's cute . "I watch it like a stalker." Coco Lee - When You Tell Me That You Love Me. Oy. Bo-o-o-o-oring. Boring, boring, boring. Why do they do such blah songs when it's so important to be memorable? And yes, like Simon said, overly enunciated.
Melissa - Bad choice admitting she's a "beauty queen" so you just have to analyze her faintly rat-like features. And another nice move, admitting you hate your job on national tv. I like her voice, tho. It doesn't blow me away, but it's very rich and smoky. Much nicer than many of the girls. (I guess we find out now, how much prior coverage counts.)
Lisa - Love this chick. Jennifer Holliday - I Am Changing. Wow. Damn, girl. Outstanding. That gave me chills.
Kinnik - Anyone else immediately think of Grease when you hear her name? Oleta Adams - Get Here. Wow. Gorgeous and smooth. Very old fashioned voice. Absolutely stunning. Not perfect but very well done. She actually gave me chills too.
Manic McPhee - Barbra Streissand - Since I Fell For You. Danger! Danger! No one's ever does Babs successfully on this show. She has such a great voice. Really well done, and she made it her own. It was a little old and dry for her, but she's definitely got cojones. Very nice.
If there's any justice in the world - and anyone who's seen previous seasons knows there's not - Heather and Becky will go home. (No, I'm not calling out my failinator pick yet.)
Join us tomorrow for The Boys!
January 25, 2006
Day Four - San Francisco
By Tanya
Hmmmm. LaToya and Nadia were both from San Francisco? The two girls who got unceremoniously scrapped for refusing to beg for votes? A coincidence I know, but...
Heidi. Whoa. Stunning voice, but she sure doesn't look like the opera type. I would've liked to see them give her a chance.
Shawn Vasquez. Ah. (I see what you did there) They're messing with us. Usually the long, nice, humble interviews are the ones who get thru. *cringe* Why don't they listen to me when I say loud!=good?
Sway's a cutey. Very smoov. And they are pushing the boys.
Yeah, I love Lauren too. Lotsa soul, girl.
Wolfie - Yep. Mindgame night. Oy gevalt.
Hey, Randy's getting a lot more honest. About time.
John Williams. He is so neat looking. Someone should totally paint him. Did I mention they're pushing the boys?
Katherine. Pretty. Good song. I hate her facial expressions, but her voice is nice. Very strong. (And I pick her to be the whiny drama queen of the season.)
Why, why would you quit your job for an interview? God no. Please not poetry. Please. We'll never hear the end of it. And stop playing with your wig. That was awesome of Simon to get her job back, tho.
Shawna - Awesome song. Hate to see a sixteen year old sing it. She does have a nice voice.
Marcus Phillips - Singerdancerbeatboxentertaineroncrack. We discussed falsetto, honey.
Jayne Santayana - Nice. Not thrilling or anything, but quite nice. I wonder if Simon's in a bad place acoustically in that room?
Deborah Dawn - If she's 27, I'm Elvis. She got in on her daughter's ID. Eh, not bad but whatever.
Manuel - Ugh. Is this over yet?
No. the chick with the black Rogue hair and neon green contacts got thru? She annoyed me in 2 seconds flat.
Well, Lost's on. See you next week.
January 24, 2006
Day Three
By Tanya
And so, with Sabrina, begin the "y'alls." Oh, and the loud != goods. ("Y'all stole mah sistah" cracked me up! I'm amazed that Simon can do a southern accent.)
How much weight has Randy gained back? Not all of it, but he had gastric bypass less than two years ago. Ow.
Cachet sounded to me like she might have a voice underneath the pitch and key and pace problems. With a lot of training maybe.
Kelly Pickler is a cutie pie! "Mascara down to my ankles." What a sweetheart. Stunning voice, and she's not "loud" she's strong. Ok, currently she's my pick to win.
If Shawn shaved, aged 20 years, and bought a jacket that fit, he might be hot. Yes. I was thinking wedding singer, but I'd buy singing waiter.
Richard Garland. Somebody brought a ventriloquist dummy last year. Yawn. Creepy and yawn. Hey. At least he brought a voice too. Well, meh. He should come back with a real song.
Ronda. *whimper*
Sarge. I guessed from the interview that he was going to really suck. I really want to hate him, but I can't quite manage. He has such a charming personality. For a schmuck. And I love me some Marvin. His wife's adorable too.
This is the weirdest show.
Who does Halicia look like? Angela Bassett? Nice! Go mama.
Donny: Ouch. Somebody needs to kneecap the vocal coach.
Kendra. Damn, started college with three kids and got herself out of public housing? Tough chick. And she does have Tyra's eyes. Nice voice. Not exciting, but good. But I love her attitude and sense of humor.
Kenneth. Nah. Community opera. But, what do I know?
Chonna's on her coffee break from the pussycat lounge. Not a bad voice, really.
Brandon. Please stop with the hiccup.
Jeffrey "Ryan" - Not exciting but good. Nicely calm but not quite narcoleptic.
Cedric. Honey, no. We discussed falsetto last week.
Paris... Whoa. Holy Hannah. God, she gave me chills. Her speaking voice kills me, but.... Yes yes yes! Do Billie! Wow. I'd like to change my vote.
Marcus. "Approximately three?" Could you narrow that down? God, I actually did that the first time I ever auditioned for a musical in school. Exactly that. But I was nine.
And speaking of narcoleptic... Jimmy. You know how vinyl records would get a little bit warped and make that "wobble" sound?
Sammy. Heh. It's Matt from The Biggest Loser. Before he stopped drinking. In near-drag.
Tyra is very cute. Beautiful voice. She looks like someone too. Uma Thurman?
Seth. Ah. Someone please slit my wrist.
Jordan - Nice pseudo-fireman. Cool tone. He's likeable enough.
Rhonette "always dresses.... nice like this." Up next, an interview with her priest for confirmation on that. Please, for the love of all that's holy, suck it in. Yeah, sweetie, we'll see you on tv soon. In deep throat 14.
See y'all tomorrow.
January 19, 2006
And Speaking of Felons...
By Tanya
Jessica Sierra, last season's neckless blonde (you may recall) has got herself a stalker! Lucky her.
Police said [Daniel Robert Young, 59] had placed at least 38 voice mail messages since mid-September telling Sierra, 20, that he loves her and willing to go to jail for her.
"It was like the more I stopped answering my phone and stopped talking to him, he got even more mad," Sierra said. "He was like, `Answer your damn phone when I call you.'"
When he arrived in Tampa on Tuesday from California, Young called Sierra's cell phone twice and asked her to pick him up, police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said.
"I told him, `I'm not coming to pick you up,'" Sierra said. "He said, `If you don't come pick me up, I'm taking a cab to your grandparents' house.'"
Ahhh, young love. Nah, she got on my very last nerve, but no one deserves this kind of crap. The police picked him up when he arrived at the house (!!) and booked him on a fluffy little misdemeanor with minimal bail, until they found out he already has a record.
Young was charged with battery resulting in serious bodily injury in October and with assault with a firearm in 2001, the prosecutor said.
Yikes.
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January 18, 2006
Day Two
By Tanya
I wonder if the people with talent, who do get through, are as stupidly cocky in their interviews as the people who suck?
Did I already say loud != good?
Lisa Tucker. Cute kid. Beautiful voice. She sounds 25, but I think that's a good thing. I hope she's as mature as her voice.
I just had a sudden painful flash of what it must like to be these judges, during this part of the show. I'm very sympathetic now.
Ace Young is a Q.T. Pie. Oh, gagging on the sincerity. Nice enough voice, but I'm having visions of Anthony Federov Jr.
Rochelle Elaine. Another infectious smile. Great voice. Yes. Love the motown.
ROFL @ Naomi. She clearly is sedated.
Chris Daughtry is the guy I liked on the commericals. I like his voice and his mannerisms. Not my favorite musical style, and I think he's interchangable with at least ten bands on the radio right now, but I'm glad to see this style finally make it to Idol. Gives them a little more cred. Interesting to see if he can do something other than rock.
Garett Johnson. I love that he's really a cowboy, and not just dressed like that. Cute kid. Very, very nice of Simon. Invasion of the body snatchers...
"Flawless" frightens me.
Oy. Congratulations on having your invention stolen on national tv, smart dude.
WOT?! April actually has a really nice voice, but It's Oh So Quiet is not a real song.
Women's clothes, women's hair, makeup, and high heels, and they think you're a girl? Sometimes? Zack is very confused. Very.
Ok, I'm off to watch Lost. Carry on.
January 17, 2006
Season Five Premiere
By Tanya
Woohoo! Here we go!
Oh, excellent, my sound is screwing up already. Nice.
Blah, blah, recaps of previous seasons. Seeen it. Ok, and interviews with the auditioners. Nothing exciting, but this is at least what the show is about.
Can we please never show that creepy, open-mouth, slo-mo kiss again ever? Thanks.
Yay!! Already a beautiful voice!! (The granddaughter of some lady?)
36483 - This is the guy that got me all psyched for this season in the commercial. Nice.
Love the crooner, obviously.
Oh, and the bad... Why would you ever do Michael Jackson, even from the thriller days? And nice yellow plaid.
Chicago auditions begin after the break:
I can't imagine camping out in the rain for this. But I'm clearly not Idol material. *shudder*
Derek Dupree gets turned on by himself and his pit stains. Lesson one: Never audition in falsetto. (I can't believe he knew that XTC song!)
And Simon's already in form.
Katrina does Humpty Dance. I actually sorta liked that, but she needed a backup song. That was silly.
Justin... They're just doing this to make me cry.
897 - Heh. The guy in the Dorothy dress with Heidi braids. "I didn't get thru 'cause my legs are too hairy." That rocked.
The Britnam twins are both very nice. How do twins ever end up with the same talent. The twins I know are nothing alike...
The Catfight chick reminds me of Gina Gershon, a little. Nice power. I didn't expect a voice like that, but silly with the Simon thing. Very good. Funny, her name is Gina something. Glosson?
Oy, I hate it when they don't put the really bad one sout of their misery...
Mandisa is very cool. Fallin. Hard to do a recent song, too. Ow. She's not that heavy. Yikes.
Kevin Brenamen looks nine. He's 21? More like a mosquito than a wasp, really.
Charles Barry. Helloooooo sycophancy! (Ok, but that might have been unnecessary cruelty.)
Amanda Rabideau. I didn't think that was that bad. Except for that godawful high note. Great personality, too.
Mad Cowell.
Man, I really wanted that cop to be able to sing, dammit. And what was up with that skip? He must have a bad scratch.
Oy. Derek returns.
Nice prom dress. Eh, not bad, just nasally. Wow, Simon is really being awful.
Derek has the warble.
Liberty dude, that was totally unfair. Killed after one note? I can't beleive Paula didn't call him on that.
Derek again. That was.... yeah.
How much would you pay to see Erik's grandmother and Ryan beat the piss out of Simon?
The Barrett-Smith sisters. Dorks. But cute dorks with gorgeous voices. I'm not sure I can listen to a lot more country music.
Yvette. Ick. Maybe it sounds better with music to cover it up a little? Yow. Simon being cruel again, but the rrrooooooowwwwr comment made me laugh.
Zack Smith doesn't look like a torch song boy. Pretty nice, but get a haircut, Moe.
They're obviously pushing the boys again this season.
Do you ever wonder if some of these people have ever heard their own voices? Even on voicemail?
Oh. Honey. Loud does not equal good. Lesson two.
I can't believe that chick looked straight into the face of a girl with a yellow slip and said "she's not that good." What a loser.
David's a cutie. I wonder if he really looks that much like Harry Connick Jr, or if it's affected. I hope he can do the bland crap they'll want him to do.
Paris Krystal's speaking voice hurts me. Oh my. What an odd voice. Oh, and nice is all gone. Poof.
Hat Analysis. 'K.
Lesson three. Sing in English. We've been through this, Ducks.
Ok, accentless English. How odd that he spoke without an accent, but sang in a foreign language - and she sang in English. (So far, Yuliya is my pick for weird-fame this season)
More twins. Does the singing gene go with the twin gene? They're good too. I like the one that's not Josh better.
What in the hell does Paula have on her hand?! Did you see that giant skull-and-crossbone ring?
Crazy guy David Hoover looks exactly like my old boss in Minnesota. I so hope he sees this. (I thought Ryan was going to club him with that egg lamp)
Could not stop laughing at the Lady Marmelade medley. But in retrospect, I wonder how much of that was staged, because there were several people in there that did other songs.
Anyway. That's it for tonight, and not a moment too soon. My jaw hurts from laughing.
Join us tomorrow. I probably won't be the only one here.... maybe.
Update: Aakk! Seki's blogging! I didn't have time to switch to the main page, so I didn't see you!
January 16, 2006
T-Minus 24 Hours
By Tanya
The Idol Tongues crew will be back tomorrow night -- January 17, 2006 -- to cover the start of the new season with the snarky play-by-play you love. You know you're as psyched as we are. Please join us!
May 25, 2005
Final Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
As much as it pains me to say this, I think Carrie's going to win.
I don't hate her, so it doesn't break my heart or anything, but I really want Bo to win, and I think he was the better performer last night. I hope Simon's reverse psychology worked, because Bo's exactly what this competition is, and should be, about.
But you know what? Hippies are slackers. I don't think they voted hard enough...
*sigh*
May 18, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
What she said.
May 04, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
I wasn't even going to post today, but what the fuck...
Bottom two: Scott and The Vonz
Gone: Scott
Ok, I don't really believe that, but I can't bear to think of what I will have to do to you mediocrity-loving morons if Scotty the Toddy's not gone at 8:30pm tonight. I actually voted last night, damn you.
Update: Thank you, America! (They obviously fear me.)
April 27, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
I no longer trust you people to get rid of Scott for me, you mediocrity-loving hacks. 15 million Americans heard Simon say "You won't last a week" in his audition, and they replied, "Over my dead body."
Alas, I can't kill all of them.
Bottom three: Scott, Vonzell, Bo
Gone: Vonzell
I hate you all, fat-ugly-and-stupid enablers.
April 20, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
I'm still pouting about Nadia, so I'll skip my usual psychological profiling this week.
Bottom three: Vonzell, Scott, Federov
Gone: Scott
April 13, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
If there was any justice in the world, Scott would be gone tonight. But I think the fat-ugly-and-stupid-vote (thanks, Seki!) has got his lardy, woman-beating back, once again. Even tho he called them all talentless cowards last night. [sigh]
It won't save him from the bottom three - that will be Scott, Nadia, and Federov - but, as much as it pains me to say this, I think Nadia's the one going home.
She has the same "problem" that LaToya had last year. The audience doesn't love her, because she's tough and independent, and doesn't seem to need them. She doesn't make a cute face and beg for votes after her song, or wave her arms while she's singing to pull them in. She's in her own world when she sings, and that's one of the things I really like about her, but I think it's freezing people out.
April 06, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
I'm torn. I think Scott will be safe to the very end, because he's got the fat-and-ugly vote (previously known as the underdog vote, but I'm sick of being kind to the idiots who keep forcing me to endure him).
But now we have this restraining order scandal... Will he lose his followers, since he's proven (once again) that he's not a nice guy? Or will he pick up the wife beater vote, too? I think we know the logic American Idol voters use. *sigh*
Bottom three: Nadia, Carrie, Federov.
And Federov's gone.
March 30, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
I'd like it to be Federov, but I'm betting on Jessica again.
==> We're up for the first big storm of the season tonight, and I'm going to be very unhappy if the power goes out during Idol (or Lost).
==> Go me!
March 24, 2005
Elimination Prediction
By Tanya
I think Mikalah's fans went totally nuts on the phones last night, after hearing the rumor that she was the one booted on Tuesday night. And it might have been enough, but.... I doubt it.
So I'm guessing Mikalah.
(I like the kid, but man, she sounded rough. "AND! IT! WON'T! BE! LONG!" is right...)
March 16, 2005
Exit stage left
By Tanya
Hope it's Nikko. (Michael Jackson? Now? Seriously?!)
For my prediction... I have no idea, so I'll go random and guess Jessica Sierra.
I don't think it'll be Nikko, because his fans are scared now. And more girls vote - and they vote for guys - so I think a girl will get the boot. Carrie, Mikalah, and Nadia seem to have huge online fan bases. And Lindsey and Vonzelle are prettier. And, well, Jessica's boring...
Oh, screw the logic, I just can't stand that she doesn't have a neck.
March 02, 2005
Elimination Guesses
By Tanya
Faith beat me to it. (I forced myself not to read it til I post mine, tho.) Here's my predictions:
Boys - Joe and Constantine
Girls - Amanda and Janay
Ok, there's a little bit of bias in there...
March 01, 2005
3/1 - The Girls
By Tanya
Aloha - Eh. Not a great start for the night. She sounded fine, but I liked her a lot better last week.
Lindsey - Hate the outfit. Maternity wear? Cool song. Nice end note. She still isn't showing her voice, but she's a lot more entertaining than last week. She needs to do some creole song. Or even the Be Good Tanyas. That's what got my attention in her audition.
Jessica - Boring night. This is ok for range and stuff, but it's still safe and boring. I really thought the girls were going to bring it, after last night.
Mikalah - Wow. I love this song madly, and someone did it badly, a few weeks ago. And I totally didn't expect to hear it from her. That was beautiful. I'm sick of slow songs, but she nailed that. Her voice is amazing.
Celene - Hey, anticlimax. Nice, big voice. Nice, yadda. Eh. I'm just bored with everything tonight.
Nadia - Please, Nadia. Please don't bore me. Please? Well, it's a good song choice for her voice and range, but not for her style. She's trying to show variety, and prove that she has a voice, I think. And, well, succeeding, but I like her better rocking.
Amanda - Did we not learn last year that Gloria Estafan is a NO? Gads, she's so Vegas. And she totally blew the only cool part of the song. Blah.
Janay - Better than last week, but she went too far in the other direction. I think she went too risque, personally, when she's still that nervous, and it looked weird. And she needs to sing LOUDER. Yeah, Paula said it. Commit to the song.
Carrie - Countrified Janis. Huh. Again, a fine performance, but it's not moving me. Feh.
Vonzelle - *SIGH* Wake me when this is over.
The men put these broads to shame. Mikalah was the only spark tonight.
February 28, 2005
2/28 - The Boys
By Tanya
Paula looks like a 1970s waitress in that outfit. Ooo. And feathered hair. It's Alice.
Mario - He's not bald, he has a horn. Nice mesh fedora. 1982 sucked. He's not the best singer, but he is very entertaining. Very charismatic, but he needs to show off his voice. Nicely humble, too.
Anwar - I love me some Marvin, but this is a little safe. Ok, now it's picking up. Yeah, nice range - that was a cool run. He's so smooth.
Joe - Nice voice but the oh, so sincere thing is creeping me out.
David - Beautiful voice, once he warms up, but it's a boring song, and he just took too long to warm up. Save the ballads for your third albums, people. What did he sing in audition? Anyone remember?
Constantine - American Idol is "as dangerous as it comes?" Ish. Welcome to Iraq, son. Nice screeching. I know a subset of the voters are going to go absolutely nuts for this performance, but it's not doing anything for me. He's not rock enough and not pop enough. And he doesn't have the voice. He can go now.
Dude, he's tall. How did that happen? Did anyone else think he was like 5'6"?
Scott - What is he wearing?! Damn it. I like him. I hate liking him. I know he's a jerk, from the group song auditions, but he has an amazing voice, and fabulous rhythm. That was the first song of the night that made me dance.
Travis - I love this song. The singing seems very wooden to me. At least he's dancing. And the rap-ish thing was cool, and well done. He is entertaining. And such an infectious smile.
Nikko - It's Marvin night! Sweeeeeeet. I'm so glad to see him belt. I loved that.
Anthony - Oooo, creepy surgery scar. See, I want him to throw down. He's reworking this song really well, and it shows off his range and his beautiful voice. But I want to see him bust out. He's too young to not be having fun.
Bo - Zzzzzzzzzappa! Finally, a real rock song. He'll probably get kicked off for that, but it fucking smoked. Kick ass. And I'm so glad the judges loved it too. I loved it so much, I actually tried to vote. (I already gave up)
8:28pm - OH MY GOD! I JUST VOTED! TWICE!
OH MY GOD!! HOW MUCH OF A DORK AM I FOR BEING THIS EXCITED ABOUT IT?!
February 23, 2005
Place yo' wagers
By Tanya
Wow, my guesses are way different from anyone else's.
On the other hand, I've always sucked at predicting how the votes will go on this show. Is that stopping me? Yeah, right.
Girls: Jessica and Amanda
Boys: Scott and Judd
2/22 - The Girls
By Tanya
I haven't read anyone else's posts yet. The sound on my tv cuts out when high-traffic shows are on, and it screws up the %$#@ dvr replay too. So I had to re-watch the parts I couldn't hear, this morning.
Note: I ran in the door last night at about 6:59pm (Central time) and watched the show in my work clothes while trying to cook dinner, so I wasn't watching closely until Carrie.
Vonzell: Heat Wave. At least it's not boring. I can take or leave her voice, but she's a natural entertainer.
Amanda: Nicely belted, but yawn. Pitchy. Didn't someone do this sing last night? (How Am I Supposed to Live Without You) Not exciting, and she's making the constipation face. I hate that.
Ryan's just jealous that Simon doesn't want to be his microphone.
Janay: Poor kid. She's scared to death and it's really showing in her voice. She has nice range, but they're going to kill her. Like the Lauryn Hill girl last year, she's singing too old, and I bet she keeps doing it, if she stays, even when they tell her to sing young, fun songs.
Carrie: Nice. very nice. Good range, and she's so comfortable on stage. Love to see her get out of the country niche. She could win this.
{Bambi!}
Sarah: Yawn. I can't even say what it is about this performance that I don't like. It's what Simon calls "cruise ship" or what I think you'd hear at a wedding where they make your aunts do the macarena. She's lucky she's pretty. She reminds me of a cheap Michelle Pfeiffer. Paula said what I meant, I think. She only sang in one octave - on this show, that's not enough. She looks drunk, but I'm sure it's just the shape of her eyes...
Why are they still picking safe songs? Do you think this was recorded the same night as the boys? If not, they should have learned from their mistakes.
Melinda: Double yawn. She's hearing music that I'm not. Why is she dancing so fast to this song? Beautiful voice, but she seems way off the beat to me. Not off-key, just out of time.
Nadia: STUPID $#@! CABLE.
Celena: Nice voice, but another very safe song. I don't know this song. At least she's making a sing-your-heart-out face instead of the constipation face. She reminds me of Mary Ann.
Mikalah and Lindsey: I obviously have some kind of #@!$ed-up tv karma. The sound only goes out on the singers on my picks list. Glad I have dvr.
{If you were Christina Ricci's agent, would you slap her?}
{Is that the guy from Hootie and the Blowfish in that BK commercial with all the Fredricks of Hollywood girls? And why was he singing like "nani-nani-boo-boo stick your head in doo-doo?" Did I just critique a song in a commercial? Yeesh. Hey, who was that on the swing at the end? She looked like a circa-1960 Loretta Lynn.}
Jessica: I love this song (Against All Odds), and she's killing it. Again, cruise ship. Now I have to go download the real song to scrub my brain.
Aloha: Wow. I really like her. If Aretha Franklin and 50 Cent had a love child, this would be her. Strong legs. Nice style. Very cool.
{That hot Israeli guy from the Mummy is going to be on 24}
Next day:
Wow. That was confusing. I turned on the tv and Aloha was on, talking to the judges. I thought I must have somehow left the dvr playing, so I tried to rewind it, and the rest of them weren't there. It was the local news, playing her performance. (I live in her hometown)
Ok...
Nadia: I love her. She $#@! rocks. She obviously honestly having fun. Simon told someone last night that kids are looking for a role model here. I don't necessarily agree with that, but if they really are, Nadia's a good one.
Mikalah: Why's she singing like Fran Drescher? I don't like the black hair and weird lipliner, but she's very fun and cute, and she can SING BETTER THAN THIS. *grumble*
Lindsey: Very safe. I love her smoky voice, and I wish she'd use it. That was boring.
February 22, 2005
Unofficial Poll
By Tanya
Do you guys actually vote?
I tried to vote by phone on the last night that Clay and Ruben were up, but I couldn't get thru, and I gave up pretty quickly. That's the only time I even tried, except that one time last year when they let you vote online.
So let's hear it. Do you bother?
February 21, 2005
2/21 - The Boys
By Tanya
I thought they were cutting six tonight. This will be weird - no girls vs boys for three weeks...
Nikko: He looks like Reverend Run, and I don't think it's just the hat and glasses. Lots of Stevie this year, huh? He even sounds like Stevie, a little. Good voice, but I'm not blown away.
Scott: He has such a nice voice. I don't like to see him doing schmoozy love songs, tho. Like Mikey said in the comments a while ago, closing your eyes when he sings helps, and I don't mean that in a cruel way. I want him to make it, to prove that you don't have to be conventionally attractive to win, but Idol is about making 14 year old girls swoon, and he just doesn't.
Anthony: I don't like this song at all. It's too slow and doesn't show off his voice. He has decent stage presence, if a little affected. God, he has huge hands. That's going to absorb my attention from now on, I can tell.
Bo: Kill me, please. Why's everyone doing ballads? Ok, it's picking up now, and he's definitely got the audience going. This song is going to be stuck in my head all night. Ick. I can take or leave his voice, but he does have good pitch. I want to wax his eyebrows so badly, I can taste it. Caveman Idol.
Travis: More Stevie. Again with the too slow. He has a great smile, tho. Oooo. Off key. That'll leave a mark. Ouch. Again. Great smile. Did I already say that?
It blows my mind how Simon always knows (usually correctly) how songs will sound on tv.
Constantine: Interesting choice. Dude. Nice. I had totally written him off as just a face (tho he doesn't do anything for me, personally). Very nice. Risky. That would have been risky for anyone - those are some high notes, even my voice gets screechy on bay-baaaaah, and I'm a girl - but he wants OUT of that rocker niche. Smart move.
David: QT Pie. Jeez, another mellow song. Quit with the constipation face please, you shouldn't be straining on this song. Good but totally safe. I wonder if any of these people have ever seen the show. Does anyone else remember them constantly telling performers not to pick safe songs? Like every episode? Every year? Show of hands?
Jared: Excellent, another ballad. *slits wrists* Man, is he pretty, tho. People. Please. Entertain me. Is that so much to ask?
Anwar: Moon River. Hmmmm. Another interesting extra-niche choice, but also another slow song. Dude, he's belting. Nicely done. I love seeing the classics re-worked well.
Judd: Rocking. The hobbit last season played this card with that Elvis song. I don't think it'll hold up. Energetic performance tho.
Joseph: Good voice, but very broadway/easy-listening. Safe. Cutey, tho. He's very smooth.
Mario: He reminds me so much of a circa-1982 Michael Jackson, but this song makes me think of Gloria Estefan. I don't know the song, and I think I'd be more into it if I did. Finally, some entertainment.
My Picks
By Tanya
I know I should really watch the next two shows before I decide this. I have no idea who half of these people are, but hopefully there's a good reason for that. However:
Girls: Lindsey, Mikalah, Nadia
Boys: Anthony, Anwar, Mario
Don't kill me, please.
February 15, 2005
Idol 2/15
By Tanya
Room One:
- The first two women were good, but I don't recognize anyone I love.
- I don't like Angel Higgs.
- Guess: this room's gone.
- I do like the hoarse girl. Rashida. She looks like Aretha, too.
- I like the preacher too, but I'm staying with my guess.
- Result: Gone.
Room Two:
- Jamar's hideous. Can they de-slut him? Writing his own song is very ballsy. They'll eat that up.
- Mario. The guy all the girls love. His mom called him "bubbie." Very sweet, but they're going to find her body in a river. Damn. His voice is CLEAN. I'm not sure I've noticed him before, other than commenters here screaming about how kewt he is.
- Matthew Kester. Nice high note. Very nice.
- Guess: They're in.
- Oklahoma girl. Carrie. I don't like country, so it's hard to judge. She has a lot of heart and great teeth.
- Constantine's in this room.
- Judd - belting Mustang Sally. He's totally got the crowd. That's probably enough for the judges.
- Oh. Anwar's in there. They're definitely in.
- Vonzell - a lot of "uh"s (I feel-uh) but not bad.
- Result - In.
Room Three:
- My redhead's in room three.
- Desmond Meeks is the guy Paula cried for. That's bad news.
- Guess: This room's gone.
- Jennifer Todd has a great voice, but she's not an idol.
- Carrie Zaruba has a nice bar room voice. Too smoky for this show.
- Is Asia Aa’shia like 11? Her mom's loud. She reminds me of my baby sister, except my baby sister can sing. This chick sounds like a chipmunk.
- Larry Ellis has very nice range, but that note was so flat.
- Ross definitely scats decently, but I wouldn't have gone that route, and he was very unhappy with it.
- Result: Gone.
Room Four:
- Anthony Federov and Nadia Turner are both in there. This room's obvious.
- Guess: They're in.
- 1513 is a little kid (Beautiful disaster, but not the 311 song?) and her voice sounds dead to me.
- 37691 has a nice voice but bad nerves.
- Scott Sowel does have a great voice, but he's overdramatizing tonight.
- Mikalah, the baby. I love this song, but Lisa Simpson did it better. She has incredible heart, especially for a 16 year old.
- Lindsey Cardinale - another bar voice. I loved her in New Orleans, tho.
- A lot of these people are losing me, but I'm sticking with my guess because two of the best are in the room.
- Jessica Sierra looks exactly like Ginger Spice. Again, I'm no judge of country, but she has good spirit.
- Result: In.
Endgame:
"There ain't no next year" is so the wrong attitude (if you're under 28). If you think like that, you don't deserve to make it.
44 left. 20 more go tomorrow. Fortunately they have the sense to run it after Lost.
(cross-posted, as usual. i'm boring like that.)
February 09, 2005
Idol 2/8
By Tanya
Anthony Federov's voice is so pure. I'd hate to see him relegated to doing top 40, but I guess it's better than nothing.
How lame do you have to be to get on a tour bus instead of the audition bus? And stay on it thru the whole tour?
Yeah, that Ross guy. I do like the redhead crooners. He's not as cute as John Stevens, but at least he's legal.
If that Mulfetta guy had made it, I might have had to boycott. He sounds like a South Park reject.
Nadia rocks. And Scott and Anwar (also very cute).
{The OC "redefined a generation?" That's just sad. A whole generation of badly-dressed sluts who can't act.}
Farmboy needs to stop touching his belly.
I like Constantine, but I like Aaron Kelly better.
I like the hell out of Mikalah, even if she is obnoxious. She has an awesome voice and balls of steel for her age.
I'm glad that whiny chick decided to go home on her own. I was sick of her shit after the first "waaaaaaaaaaa." I understand being homesick, but cowboy up or shut up, wuss.
(cross-posted, with minor changes)